Here’s what I want you to realize, there’s a right way to be a good husband. And, there’s a wrong way to be a good husband.
Imagine a freshly-married Mr. and Mrs. Jones returning from their honeymoon… He goes back to his evening job (3 pm until 11 pm). And, she goes back to her day job (8 am until 5 pm).
Because he’s off during the day, Mrs. Jones “sweetly” asks Mr. Jones if he would mind doing some small chore or errand for her “since he’s off during the day.”
And, since Mr. Jones wants to be a “good” husband, he happily agrees to do the chore or errand.
But of course, there’s a lot that has to be done in the “running” of a home / house / marriage. And so of course, Mrs. Jones just keeps adding one thing after another to Mr. Jones’s list of chores and errands.
Before he knows it, Mr. Jones is doing most of the household chores. He’s cleaning house, washing dishes, doing the laundry, getting groceries, running all the errands…
And then, Mr. Jones goes to work.
Later, Mrs. Jones comes home from work. And, she’s tired from working all day. So, she sits down, watches her soaps that she recorded during the day or watches whatever evening sitcom she happens to like and then she goes to bed.
Afterwards, Mr. Jones returns home from his job – hoping to find Mrs. Jones feeling a bit intimate – only to find that she’s sound asleep or “not in the mood” or “too tired” or “I’ve got to get up early in the morning”.
And, before long, no matter what Mr. Jones does, no matter how far he goes out of his way, no matter what sacrifices or how many sacrifices he makes, no matter what help he offers or provides… IT’S NEVER ENOUGH!
And of course, it goes without saying that if anything goes wrong, is forgotten, or gets neglected, then by default it is ALWAYS Mr. Jones’s fault.
And the fights begin…
But then, they’ll make up and Mrs. Jones asks Mr. Jones for a cat because she just so loves cats and she PROMISES that she’ll take care of the cat – it will be HER responsibility…
And again, Mr. Jones wants to be a good husband and even though he doesn’t like cats, he agrees to help Mrs. Jones find the “perfect” cat…
$300 later, they’ve found that “purrr-fect” cat…
And a few days later, Mr. Jones is the only one taking care of the cat…in addition to everything else that he’s taking care of.
In wanting to be a “good” husband, Mr. Jones has ALLOWED himself to become responsible for EVERYTHING while Mrs. Jones has got out of being responsible for ANYTHING around the house.
To Mr. Jones, this is a HUGE problem.
To Mrs. Jones, there is NO problem…everything is exactly the way she likes it and wants it.
Sadly, some men spend a life-time living like this…
Men, here is your WAKE-UP CALL – a woman is never attracted to a “push-over” man who responds and reacts to her every whim, request, or demand.
Or, more bluntly, a woman is never interested in sex with a “push-over” man. She’s too busy fantasizing about having sex with some strong, masculine man to be interested in having sex with her “weenie” husband.
Now, I’m not suggesting that men shouldn’t help out around the house or that men shouldn’t do household chores because they should…
In other words, the inverse of this story – where the woman gets saddled with all of the household responsibilities while the man accepts none of them – doesn’t work either.
Going back to our story… The fact is, Mr. Jones should do certain chores before he goes to work. And, Mrs. Jones should do certain chores when she get’s home after work.
In simple terms, household work must be split up in a way that is fair and equitable. If Mr. Jones wants to be a “good” husband, he should take the conversational lead and establish what is fair and equitable given their circumstances and arrangements.
If he had done this at the very beginning of the marriage, then it’s unlikely there would have ever been a problem.
But now… Now that Mrs. Jones expects him to be her “servant”, there is a problem…
It’s going to take time and calm-confrontation for Mr. Jones to “re-train” her and “re-set” her expectations of what her part in the marriage is.
For example, if Mrs. Jones fails to do her part of the chores when she comes home – those chores they’ve agreed in conversation that she would do, then Mr. Jones will IMMEDIATELY stop doing any chores or errands that pertain to Mrs. Jones – for sake of example, let’s say no longer doing any of her laundry.
Similarly, if Mrs. Jones chooses to criticize and pick apart something Mr. Jones has done, then Mr. Jones IMMEDIATELY stops doing that thing for her. Again, using the laundry example, if she doesn’t like something about how he does her laundry, then he immediately – without fuss or fanfare – stops doing any of her laundry.
It will be one less thing that Mr. Jones has to do and it won’t take Mrs. Jones very long to start “understanding” that she has to do her part and she has to do it in a PLEASANT way.
As another example, if Mrs. Jones fails to take responsibility for her “cat”, Mr. Jones can calmly, politely give her one warning reminder after which Mr. Jones simply gets rid of the cat.
Now, Mrs. Jones may “throw a fit” – maybe even a “huge fit” – but she’ll get the message loud and clear that there is zero-tolerance from her husband when she doesn’t “line up” and “carry” her part of the load.
And here’s the best part…
This NEW Mr. Jones is going to start feeling a whole lot better about himself…
And, Mrs. Jones is going to start feeling a whole lot more sexually attracted to this NEW man – the NEW Mr. Jones.
One last thing, some women are so used to getting everything their way that they will literally throw almost ANY kind of tantrum to get their way when they are resisted. A man needs to expect this so that he can deal with it in a calm way.
As an example, Mrs. Jones may go so far as to threaten Mr. Jones with divorce if he doesn’t let her get her way…
This is where many men crumble – especially when there are kids involved – and when he crumbles, Mrs. Jones then knows that she FULLY CONTROLS her husband – and her tyranny will not only continue, it will increase to even worse level.
When faced with a fit-throwing Mrs. Jones, Mr. Jones would be better served to calmly remind Mrs. Jones that:
• He loves her
• A marriage takes two people carrying their part of the load and working TOGETHER
• They have talked about and mutually agreed upon what part of the load was whose to carry
• He expects whoever is married to him to carry her part of the load just as he expects himself to carry his part of the load
• Mrs. Jones always has the prerogative to choose whether she wants to carry her part of the load WITH him or go somewhere else because she doesn’t want to carry her part of the load – and she should decide right now once and for all which way she wants it to be.
Almost always, Mrs. Jones will be shocked out of her selfish little game-playing. She’ll be AWAKENED to just how much she respects and admires her husband – and just how sexy and attractive he really is.
And, in that rare case where Mrs. Jones actually does follow through with her threat and leaves – well, fellow, she was going to leave anyway – it was just a matter of time. It’s to your advantage to get it over with so that you can start your life anew – with someone who ISN’T a selfish little brat.
Copyright 2008, Article by Calle Zorro